Called To Serve

Called To Serve

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

I love you!

THis week has been a bit crazy and just a little overwhelming. Ah it's so hard. I laughed how you both mentioned it probably was a little rougher with having a new comp and everything- a mission has taught me a lot of things about myself including that I don't love change too much. I just need to be patient and relax but every time it's just a bit crazy and the weeks are harder. I went back in my journal and looked at the first week of being with sister steed and it looks like it was about the same - so that made me feel better! By the end things were the best so there is hope. I just Flippin need to calm down and have faith. It's so hard to keep that perspective all the time. 

Okay- I need to vent. I've needed to all week long. So sorry but here I go! OH this week has just been hard. I always joked that I didn't train Sister Steed and this week has just confirmed it to me. My cute new comp is great but oh it's so different than last time around and so much harder and requires years of more patience. All of it just makes me a little mad at myself because I know that I just need to change and be better - it's not her but me that needs to be more like Christ. But it has just been a little crazy. I think one of her bonuses with sister steed was since we whitewashed we met all of our friends together so we knew the whole story but this week it has been a lot of trying to get her updated on all of the friends (well enough that she can go on exchange and teach them! Yikes!) and helping her get to know the ward and trying to stay positive when finding has been rough and oh man. It's just all hitting at once. BUT I kind of knew it would happen. The last transfer was incredible - and I think that is part of the problem. Things were just running so well it was silly of me to think that things would be exactly the same with a new companion. We have just had to have really long talks of explaining things over and over and praying for help and charity and OH see!? Even as I write this I just see how I am the one that needs to be better. I'm just stressed out a bit. We have 3 friends set to be baptized in the next couple of weeks that all need a lot of help if they are going to make it but we have exchanges coming up and so I have to figure out who she knows well enough and who she is comfortable in teaching, it's also seemed like the miracle weeks of finding new investigators has gone south and it seems like no one is interested and I just feel a lot of pressure almost - the last transfers were incredible with people found and baptized and the Lord has given me the responsibility to train and be an stl again and I just don't want to let him down or president... and so I want to keep the people up but it doesn't seem to be working and then that makes me question myself I. Wondering if I am doing something wrong.... and then I get upset becuase I Flippin have less than 3 months and I want to ENJOY it. I know in my head this is truly the best ever and all I need to do my best and love my companion and things will work out but I guess it hasn't sunk into my heart. I say that everyday- just do your best and be happy- but it is hard with a lot of things going on and I feel the weight of it all. But I guess that is my problem too... I should trust her more. Just because she is newer doesn't mean that she can't help and recieve revelation. Ah. Anyways, I just need to be better. I need to be more like Christ and love her and just be patient. And I set this wonderful goals and have the plan to do it all but then some comment or situation or something makes me frustrated and then it's all down the toilet. I'm just trying to keep the bigger perspective and stay happy and positive about things and it's just been a hard time doing it this week. I always heard training was hard but I just laughed and had a good time with sister steed where now I am understanding it a bit more. BUT I only have a short time left and I want to come back a better person and changed and if this will help me to become better and change in the process then that is great!:) 

I guess do you have any thoughts of just staying focused on what is important - loving my companion and being a good companion, loving the people, focusing on the one, versus the pressures of results and outcomes? It's so silly and I probably should have learned it by now but I need a reminder this week. 

Wow sorry. That was crazy.  I'm just stressed.and I hate being stressed. Life is to be ENJOYED! And I need to remember that! And all I keep thinking is that inneed to be the companion that I want KY to have. It's really been what I have been thinking. I need to be the comp he deserves. So that's my goal this week is to stop stressing and enjoy missionary work. Then I will be a better less crazy stressed sister Gwilliam which my sweet companion deserves. I want her to learn more than anything that missionary work is the best!! And to enjoy it. 

BUT like we all know this happens to me and I'm sure by next week I will be laughing at the craziness I felt this week!

So yes. It's been a crazy week but I already feel so much better. Getting to write each week is the best therapy I could have. Any ideas or thoughts would be so wonderful though! I did open up the "need a pick me up" letter you sent with me and it was picture of cute tyse. I almost cried. Oh I love that boy and that smile is the biggest pick me up anyone could have. I love him so much! Thank you again for sending those they help so much. 

 It SISTER BARNES! I can't BELIEVE IT!. She didn't give me too much info- the last time I heard something she had broken up with him and now they are engaged? But she did say that they are thinking of the wedding in December. Oh I am PRAYING they hold off until January. How fun would it be to be there? But we will see! Keep me updated if you see things too. So weird though. Remember them both being here. 

This week too the clocks go back. Bonus is getting extra sleep - such a good bonus too! Ive been super tires lately. BUT the not so good part is that it will start getting dark - like really really dark - starting around 4 now. Ah it's the worst. People just don't love you knocking and people aren't outside. BUT we will be and we will still knock because they need it. Luckily I still have some hand warmers from last Christmas that I can take out with me! But yes. Pray for us. ;) 

I got a super short email from KY. He sent like 2 paragraphs and then had to go for the nap thing and I never got another one. Oh I'm praying for him though. I'm hoping he is really feeling as positive and he sounds. I told him last week about some experiences but I know how it feels to have to stay when hoping there is a change- it's the hardest. BUT it also taught me so much  and once I switched my mindset it was a great transfer. So it's so good. And a blessing his comp goes home soon!:) there is a light at the end of the tunnel at least - but oh man. I was hoping there would be a change. But the lords plans are always better! Grateful he knows so much better than we do! But has his mission president been funny about it? I feel bad everyone can't have president Gubler as their mission president. I love him so much. Honestly so so great. But we have interview about every 3 months.... not enough. But he responds to our emails every week and we can call anytime. And I do!:) but yes! I'll encourage KY too but if there are issues I would definitely tell him to talk to the mission president! And just his Zls. He seems to really like them and they are great on exchanges and they are there to help as well! But KY is so great! Such a good attitude and good example to me. So grateful for him! And can't believe he has been out 4 months! Crazy crazy. 

Today we are going to the imperial war museum with the zone leaders. Apparently there is an awesome exhibit on the holocaust. You will love it here mom. So many museums on history and they all are free!! 

But I just love you! I hope you both and everyone back home is doing well! Thanks for letting me vent!:) I just will be better this week. I just need to get the bigger picture back and stop focusing on results but enjoy the journey of it all. Sometimes we aren't here to achieve something but experience. And to find joy in that! PLUS there are still so many miracles. 3 friends set to be baptized. That is AMAZING! I just need to be more grateful too... ahh so many good things to do this week. It will be great! 

Well I just miss you like crazy. Love you so so much. 

Doing my best to stay focused and work hard and be positive!:) 

I Love you!

Sister Gwilliam 

Sent from my iPad

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